It’s funny how conviction comes to a person, and how it comes when you are least prepared for it. Recently I have been experiencing conviction when correcting my niece. I try speaking to her softly in order for her to understand why it is that what she is doing is wrong, and why I am correcting her—because I love her and don’t want her to be hurt.
I noticed, while speaking to her, that the words I use to explain why I am correcting her correlates with what God says in the bible. And then it hits my heart, here I am correcting this child when I am being less than exemplary. Now I am sitting here and my sister is reading the bible to my nieces, and the words totally hit me. She is speaking about obedience (Deuteronomy), and how it helps you to live freely with favor here on earth, while you are waiting for all the goodness of heaven. And there is a heaven.
It’s no secret that I have been going through struggles, and like everyone who experiences this; I don’t want to. The funny thing is that, and I’m not making excuses here, I keep remembering that it says in the bible that God is the potter and he is molding you, and as potters do to their creation, you will be put in the fire before you’re complete.
I believe a hundred percent that God is working in me, but sometimes I think that I completely ignore this and do what I want. The stubbornness my heart expresses scares me so much, and sometimes leaves me speechless. Writing this now I am thinking I don’t know what’s going to happen to me. But then I just remembered what my pastor always teaches us: “Spiritual warfare is real. It’s a war that is constantly going on, and one that is taking place between your ears.”
How true these words are. Your head and your heart is that battlefield. We get distracted by what we like, what feels good, and stop focusing on where is God in all this. Once I felt this warfare: the spirit of Christ literally warring with this heart of mine. I told my friends about it, and what do I get? Their own stories that is basically the same. Sometimes it seems I understand, but then there are times like this when I am like “God deliver me fast, because I don’t want to be a disappointment.” But I can’t tell the master of this universe what to do, for his thoughts and ways are higher than mines, so here I am waiting and running this race of life. Ha how apt, human race. Paul knows his stuff.
I can tell you that I am very thankful the lord found me, because it sure was not me who found him, walking that self-involved path that I was. I know that I may not feel like the closest person to him right now, but I think that my life shows that I am only standing up because of him. And no matter how down I am, I never forget that he is the reason I am breathing, and still here. I wish that I can show you guys the very core of my being, how and why I can honestly say that I love Jesus. He first loved me, and being able to give him this wayward heart of mine is such a blessing and a testament of his grace. He makes sense out of the Rambled Process that I consider my life, and life in general, to be.
Reading a devotional the other morning, it started with Psalms 77 verses 14-15, and ended with my heart. My heart, when it is not right with God, I don’t try to hide it. What’s the point? He knows all, and I want his correcting love. This devotional I read was from e-sword and from the Rylism section, the author I think is James C Ryle.
But Psalms 77:14-15 says “You are the God of great wonders! You demonstrate your awesome power among the nations. By your strong arm, you redeemed your people, the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.”
God has done that! He has delivered his people, constantly, out of the troubled times, in both the old testament and new testament days. I think that some times we read the bible and forget that the words recorded there are not stories, but the lives of many. It’s so relevant because it shows us how times change, but the situation stays the same. There are no more words to be added to the bible, as the Lord wills it, but we are still in the New Testament days. All this we are going through, God knows and he does all things that are good. Therefore, when we feel like breaking and giving up—hold on a bit, and call, cry shout, whisper the powerful name of Jesus, for he knows. He knows. And more awesome, he’s coming. He’s coming and bringing to us deliverance!!
Rylism ended his devotional with “So when the trouble comes, then know that Deliverance is also on the way. Rejoice my brothers and sisters — we serve the God who makes things happen!”
Don’t we Just! As I write this, I am saying Lord I know deliverance is coming, because I am your child and you love me. And he knows that I have been troubled, and he is not sitting still. I know he is not sitting still, for he knows I am in trouble and he is always calling us out of the darkness. I just want to let him know that I know now, and I am ready for these dark days to be behind me.
I tell you, I know we all go through things, and deal with them in whatever way we use to cope. But I don’t want to deal with these things myself, I want to lean on God. I want to. Because I found out on my own, even though it was repeated in the bible, that I can not do it alone. Yah, there are a lot of people who do not even understand where I am coming from, and probably–most likely– think I’m just being another Jesus freak and religious nut. I really am a Jesus freak, not so much a religious nut. Anyways back on topic; getting my heart and my head to line up is just, oh my gosh I’m going to say it, the devil of a time. Funny how that guy always pops up.
When you are a follower of Christ, not the religious “I’m going to church, I’m going to pray and then I’m going to do it Sunday again”, you gain knowledge and understanding, and you see the world in a new way. I am not trying to make fun of people who makes this their MO, because we all meet Jesus in different ways. As long as you are seeking him you will grow leaving the milk and moving on to eating the meat. Things we use to do BC (before Christ) and what you do AC (after Christ) is looked at differently by us.
We left the old us, born again (spiritually) and having the new us with the spirit of Jesus living inside. No this isn’t religious crock, and other than my words I don’t know how to even show you proof. I wish you can feel what I feel when I say the name of Jesus when the world is so dark for me. He is peace, utter peace. He is with me, and he loves me. I love him so much, and I get mad at myself when I don’t live the way I know is right. When it takes me a bit longer to go to Jesus and ask for forgiveness, and for help. Not because I don’t want to, but because I am ashamed. Because he will take me back, and it gets to a point where I feel like I am taking advantage. Even when I know I am not.
But what I wanted to get to is that we have a lot of regret after we have lived a certain way, and conveniently forget about god. And if you are a Christian, and invited and accepted the spirit of God, you know that Jesus is always with you. He’s walking with you. I conveniently block out all this, but I know, and so I have regret on top of regret on top of regret, which leads to the woulda-shoulda-coulda, that then leads to a defeated mindset, where I bring myself down and not turn to god.
But there is always good news where Jesus is concerned, and that once you give your life to him, nothing, and I do mean NOTHING, can separate you from him. Not you, not your misconceptions, not what you did, what you will do, and not Lucifer and his demons. And they are real. It’s a spiritual warfare going on, and God is there calling. And if you already went, he’s always with you, wanting to walk with you and help through. He wants to do it, because he loves us.
I think I deviated a bit, but I just wanted to share this song that God has led me to listen to. It literally hit the core of me. So here is Hello My Name is by Matthew West:
Lets keep running this race until we are with our heavenly father and creator, the one who loves us so completely.