That Special Something

It has been a while since I’ve written on here. Not for lack of wanting to, but because I never made the time. Writing is something that I’ve always wanted to do, and when I started my blog I wrote about things that I liked and knew others would be interested in. Then I wasn’t interested in putting out the same unfulfilling post. I erased all of that and chose to write about something lasting and important. Something so positively necessary for my life and yours, something that gives you true joy and strength to wake up in the morning. Something precious and passionate. Something filling. Something loving and so overwhelmingly good that you cant contain it and you don’t feel the need to hide it. Something that’s so inexplicably priceless, yet cost the most. Something I forever want to share with everyone I encounter: JESUS.

He’s that special someone, that special something. Trust me, he’s had arms around me the longest.


Have you ever tried to rationalize sin?

What am I saying, that is one thing that I know we all do. We all try to rationalize it, and make things acceptable in our own way—cutting off our conscience and what we know is right in order to protect ourselves from what ever mental breakdown that will happen.

It 5:45 am, and I’ve just came to the realization of how hell feels. When people think of hell they are thinking fiery pit, big red scary guy with horns walking around with what looks like a triton in hand, laughing joyously as his minions whip us poor left behind-ers over and over again.

Well heck, no wonder why people think all this is fairy tale.

No, guys, we are wrong again. That’s us making up whatever that visual is to probably reconcile ourselves to a faith that was never intended for us, most likely to prepare ourselves for the inevitable pain.

That sounds bad right? But it’s so true…As humans, we do stuff like that. If you’re thinking “nope, not me”, well then you are an exception I guess.

But that’s not hell. Hell is being separated from God.

I’m sure we have felt separated from God before, Christian or not, and I can tell you that it is not a fun feeling. But if you feel so bad now, when we are still under the new testament where God is giving us grace every second that passes, imagine a soul in eternal agony?

Not flesh, mind you, but you’re soul. A soul that cannot die. The very being of you separated from the creator, and feeling this separation magnified to the nth power. No relief, no hope, no help. Only pain…

That’s hell.

The Stages Of Sin

The progress of Sin. Key word: Progress.
It’s progressive, if we let it. There is a plan that Satan has, and when he infiltrates, through whatever way, it leads to death. Whether it’s partial death or complete death, its something that we do not want.

I don’t write these words because I am better than who reads this, nor am I giving breadcrumbs to the lowly. No! I write these words because I am living this. Yes as a believer of Christ, as a follower of Christ, a daughter through Christ, as someone who has been saved and baptized and know the truth—that the only way to life is Christ.

Sin is real, sin is consuming our world. I am not here to look down on the way you live your life, and judge you. I am here, as a fellow human who has been through a spiritual beating, who has been in the place you were or are, that the thing you desire is not of this world, but a close relationship with your Creator.

I am not trying to force my God down your throat, I am trying to let you see that there is only one God. And He has sent His son to save us, and just acknowledging his son and asking Him into our lives is the first and only step you have to take. The other is just holding on to your faith and remembering to give God your hand to hold day after day. It is so not easy, with all the distractions of life…and mostly with fallen angels planning our sinful demise day in and out.

One of the Pastor at my Church has shared the 7 stages of Sin, and I will like to share it with you:

Stage 1: Tempted with Evil Thoughts

Stage 2: Strong imagination

Stage 3: Lusting and delight and viewing of the temptation

Stage 4: Enticed by the weakening of the our Will

Stage 5: Yielding to it, sin conceived

Stage 6: Go forward with the sin

Stage 7: Partial and Complete death

Our hearts are prone to wonder. That is no excuse for us to indulge in sin. I have indulged in my lust, my selfishness, and every time I hate it. I dislike my self. I am ashamed in front of God. In front of my savior, my father. The man who calls me beloved. Does that make sense? To not want the one person who loves you so completely to look at your face? That is the worst form of betrayal.

I do know why though. I am constantly trying to do things on my own, to be right before I go to Jesus. The devil doesn’t even do work on his own—as Pastor Bob points out—So why am I attempting to?

Why am I going into a battle with no one but myself at the ready? With a heart which seeks selfish desires. The conclusion is the same no matter what your sin is: Repent. God is giving us time people. All sin is the same to God. And repenting will wash it away, and lead us to him.

He wants to forgive us. So repent, and ask for Jesus to come in.

Whatever you struggle with, I pray for you to have the strength to ask the Lord Jesus Christ to come in and take over. In Jesus’ name I pray for me and you, brothers and sisters, Amen.


When I write these post, I pray that I am conveying just how real Jesus is. He is not an idea, He is not a teacher, He is not a prophet, He is God. More than that, He is the God that is living, and avidly searching for us.

Whoever comes across my post, I pray that the words will get to the heart of you. For I hope and pray that what I write on here points to Jesus and not me. While it may be nice to have pretty words, that is not what I am trying to do. I am trying to convey what I feel inside, what is happening to me. The pain that sometimes suffocates me, the pain I try to make sense of, and the one God knows. The one He wants to heal, and promises to heal…when I let Him.

After I wrote my first two post for the month of January, I have been thrown back into a vicious cycle. The one that always renders me ashamed, and makes me hide from the Lord. I hide because I know that  I am wrong. Its nothing new, and every time I go through this, I feel defeated. Well, like the last times, I am coming out with more knowledge.

My God, my savior is right here with me. I don’t feel it then, and I don’t forgive myself. But what pulls me back to the light is that He cares. He cares and He doesn’t let me keep myself away, for He gives me the strength to pray that prayer in my heart, asking for Him, even though I am too ashamed to lift my eyes to Him. To His light, His righteousness. His perfection, His perfect love.

I know that I am not perfect, but His perfect spirit within me makes me clean and helps me to be upright in front of Him. I realized that the more I fellowship and give in to the lord, the more trials come my way. The same trial, but more intense. I get overwhelmed and my fleshly nature battles with my spirit and I rebel. That’s right, Rebel! It behooves me also. Me! Rebelling, against the king of the universe. The giver of life, and love.

But t is true. The feeling of defeat is a recurring deceiver. I am pretty sure its not just with me. So here I am, another day of prayer, asking God for strength and thanking Him for His forgiveness. And praising Him, that he is God, and a merciful and loving one. I just pray that he pours his love out onto me, for I need to feel it.

I pray, Lord God, that you hold me in your arms, safe and protected. That no matter what may comes, I know that nothing is worth turning against you. For to be without you is crippling to me, in everyway. My spirit, my soul, my life, goes into a drought without you. The thirst gets overwhelming, and kills me slowly and intensely.  Father God, I just pray that you lift mine eyes to you, and help me to focus on you Lord God. I thank you for pulling me once again from that highway Lord. I thank you, for now  I am back with you, where I want to be, where I will stay until such times as you whisk me away Lord God, My God. In Jesus’ precious name I pray and thank you. Amen.

Our Path—Temporary, or Eternity

One ridiculed, and one asked for forgiveness.
When we are in a less than nice situation, our backs either go up, or we own up to our wrong doings.

I have been in a position such as this, and I have responded in both ways before. As you can probably guess, I have regretted the first response more times than not. And you might have experienced that before yourself, where you replay the many ways you could have done things differently. Hindsight.

The thing is, we grow everyday as human beings. We have the option to learn from our mistakes, so that we can do things differently—or share with others what the right decisions are.

Christ Jesus came to earth to bring us a new covenant, so that we may return where we once were, where we were made to be—walking side by side with God our father.


He hung on that cross for us, even though He didn’t have to. But He wanted to. Wanted to. He was innocent of everything, yet He suffered for us. He hung with two men, one who ridiculed Him, and one who recognized Him for who He was and asked for forgiveness. Two men, similar crimes, but different response at the end of their lives.

You don’t have to continue on a lifeless path, you have the chance to turn away at anytime. No matter how bad you feel it is. We make thousands of choices in everyday, and one influence the other. So when you make a great decision, it will influence your other choices, and so on. We have His love and Grace with us.

Pastor Bob at my church shared a true story once, about two brothers. They grew up in a loving family, had great opportunities, but responded differently in life. One chose to kill President Lincoln, and the other actually saved the life of Lincoln’s son.

Its safe to say that we all know what life is about: Love. We see it in movies, and hear it in some songs. But more than that, we yearn for it ourselves. So why don’t we live the love we want? Why is so hard? Because we don’t have Jesus. God is love. Not has love, but is Love. Until we accept Him, how can we have, show and give the love that is so important. It all influences the choices we make, and the first choice we should make is to choose Jesus.


The path is not easy, but it leads to living. Living true, free and most of all, it leads to a whole eternity of Love! Be set free in every way. Your spirit is so very thirsty, and only the creator can help it thirst no more.

Lets Make A Deal Sir Jesus…

It came to my attention, while engrossed in a Bollywood romantic film, that when we approach Jesus our mentality is: “ok, do this for me and I promise you I’ll do this”.

Where do we come off thinking like this? I think we get the idea from our own human experiences, for at times this is how we have to deal with people, or so we believe. Compound this with our guilt at living life the way we want to instead of how we should, and here we have the root of why we feel the need to make  deals with Jesus. We, me included, can not fathom the undiluted, graceful love that he pours out on our undeserving  self.

None the less, we have it. We all have it, and there is no deal or promise that we can ever make with him to take all that we’ve done away. Which is why he said, as he hung on the cross bloodied and willingly and obediently suffering death for us; “It is finished”.

He did it, and  all we need to do is accept it. I can never promise God something in exchange of something I desire, for I know myself enough to know that failure is lurking in the corner waiting for the right moment. That sounds horrible, so let me reiterate: I get in my own way. I just want to take what he offers freely, and I want to share it with others. 
Some people can make promises to Jesus, by all means. But there is no need to barter, for all we need to do is accept and ask. He knows what’s best and does everything for our good.

Thank you Jesus, for listening to me and doing for me so much more than I could ever imagine.

Salvation is by GRACE alone, through Faith alone, in Christ alone. I desire this that you offer freely Jesus, even though I am often so selfish. It’s more than the guilt I harbor that speaks, but also the desire to be right with you. The desire to speak with you and share your light.

Conviction…It’s My Turn


It’s funny how conviction comes to a person, and how it comes when you are least prepared for it. Recently I have been experiencing conviction when correcting my niece. I try speaking to her softly in order for her to understand why it is that what she is doing is wrong, and why I am correcting her—because I love her and don’t want her to be hurt.

I noticed, while speaking to her, that the words I use to explain why I am correcting her correlates with what God says in the bible. And then it hits my heart, here I am correcting this child when I am being less than exemplary. Now I am sitting here and my sister is reading the bible to my nieces, and the words totally hit me. She is speaking about obedience (Deuteronomy), and how it helps you to live freely with favor here on earth, while you are waiting for all the goodness of heaven.  And there is a heaven.

It’s no secret that I have been going through struggles, and like everyone who experiences this; I don’t want to. The funny thing is that, and I’m not making excuses here, I keep remembering that it says in the bible that God is the potter and he is molding you, and as potters do to their creation, you will be put in the fire before you’re complete. 

I believe a hundred percent that God is working in me, but sometimes I think that I completely ignore this and do what I want. The stubbornness my heart expresses scares me so much, and sometimes leaves me speechless. Writing this now I am thinking I don’t know what’s going to happen to me. But then I just remembered what my pastor always teaches us: “Spiritual warfare is real. It’s a war that is constantly going on, and one that is taking place between your ears.”

How true these words are. Your head and your heart is that battlefield. We get distracted by what we like, what feels good, and stop focusing on where is God in all this. Once I felt this warfare: the spirit of Christ literally warring with this heart of mine. I told my friends about it, and what do I get? Their own stories that is basically the same. Sometimes it seems I understand, but then there are times like this when I am like “God deliver me fast, because I don’t want to be a disappointment.” But I can’t tell the master of this universe what to do, for his thoughts and ways are higher than mines, so here I am waiting and running this race of life. Ha how apt, human race. Paul knows his stuff.