I Want to Overcome

So…

I have been trying to get words out for months now, but have been self conscious wondering if it is really what God has moved me to say. How will it affect others who happen across my blog. If I have learned anything, its that words said or written carelessly, even with the best of intention, can harm.

I started this blog, knowing that I want to write about what is the most important to me, and to others who don’t even realize: Jesus. But more than anything, I wanted to write about how I struggle, and how many times I feel like I am no where close to Him when He is in fact right within me.

Being a fairly new Christian, even one who grew up seeing her family turn to and call on God countless times, in both the good and the bad times, and knowing that that was where I wanted to end up, I still struggle with everything. I struggle to the point where I feel like He has no business to like me, while my spirit inside is desperately trying to unclench my tightly closed teeth to yell out for Him. Wondering if this is my last time.

Wanting to just run and be held by Him, asking, begging, crying for forgiveness. Forgiveness for being on the fence, being totally apathetic towards my walk.

I know Jesus is right with me, seeing everything, understanding the raging battle going on inside more clearly than I ever can. But the human part of me, is basically feeling too crippled to move, wondering why is it He’s so good to me, and when will He find out I am the biggest fraud there is, and release my hand.

It gets so bad that I second guess myself sometimes, wondering what is my true intentions for saying I believe? Fire insurance? I know its not that, because I can’s pretend with God. He knows me better than I know myself. I know the reason I am living is because of Him, and the reason I can be remotely nice is because of Him. Yet still I struggle.

overcome

I hope to share my struggles on here, for it says that by the blood of the lamb and the words of our testimony, we shall overcome. And I want to overcome. I have hope. And most of all I want you who have chanced upon my little blog to know that the struggle is real, and I want you to overcome. Confess to Jesus over and over, and you will be closer to overcoming. I believe this and I will be doing this also.

Disclaimer: The picture isn’t mine, I saw it on google image. the Url is: http://www.worshiphousemedia.com/worship-tracks/32174/Overcome

Our Path—Temporary, or Eternity

One ridiculed, and one asked for forgiveness.
When we are in a less than nice situation, our backs either go up, or we own up to our wrong doings.

I have been in a position such as this, and I have responded in both ways before. As you can probably guess, I have regretted the first response more times than not. And you might have experienced that before yourself, where you replay the many ways you could have done things differently. Hindsight.

The thing is, we grow everyday as human beings. We have the option to learn from our mistakes, so that we can do things differently—or share with others what the right decisions are.

Christ Jesus came to earth to bring us a new covenant, so that we may return where we once were, where we were made to be—walking side by side with God our father.

christian-crosses-background

He hung on that cross for us, even though He didn’t have to. But He wanted to. Wanted to. He was innocent of everything, yet He suffered for us. He hung with two men, one who ridiculed Him, and one who recognized Him for who He was and asked for forgiveness. Two men, similar crimes, but different response at the end of their lives.

You don’t have to continue on a lifeless path, you have the chance to turn away at anytime. No matter how bad you feel it is. We make thousands of choices in everyday, and one influence the other. So when you make a great decision, it will influence your other choices, and so on. We have His love and Grace with us.

Pastor Bob at my church shared a true story once, about two brothers. They grew up in a loving family, had great opportunities, but responded differently in life. One chose to kill President Lincoln, and the other actually saved the life of Lincoln’s son.

Its safe to say that we all know what life is about: Love. We see it in movies, and hear it in some songs. But more than that, we yearn for it ourselves. So why don’t we live the love we want? Why is so hard? Because we don’t have Jesus. God is love. Not has love, but is Love. Until we accept Him, how can we have, show and give the love that is so important. It all influences the choices we make, and the first choice we should make is to choose Jesus.

obey-god-forked-path

The path is not easy, but it leads to living. Living true, free and most of all, it leads to a whole eternity of Love! Be set free in every way. Your spirit is so very thirsty, and only the creator can help it thirst no more.

Pass It ON: Strangely Dim

city-lights-dim-dark

I have wanted to make a post about this song for a long while now, but for some reason I haven’t attempted until today. I heard this song many times on the radio and sung along with it, but it wasn’t until I was going to hang out, in order to shake this cooped up feeling that was hanging on me, that I really listened to this song. I was just singing along with the Christian radio when the lyrics made its way to my heart. That’s when I started crying, ruined make up and everything. But I felt so free, so absolutely blessed. Here I am, down on myself, running into trials here and there, wondering for the billionth time why God even wants to save me?

I sing this song when I can, just to remind myself that God loves me no matter what, even when he reprimands me. I am his, for he has declared it so, and I have taken the path of truth. I want tot share the lyrics because its so true. You focus on God, and everything grows strangely dim. We forget a lot of the time that God is mightier than our biggest troubles, he will deliver us. We just have to fix our eyes on all that he is.

I’ve got all these plans piled up sky high. A thousand dreams on hold and I don’t know why. I got a front row seat to the longest wait and I just can’t see past the things I pray today.
But when I fix my eyes on all that you are, then every doubt I feel deep in my heart grows strangely dim. All my worries fade and fall to the ground cause when I seek Your face and don’t look around
Any place I’m in grows strangely dim.

Sometimes where I stand on this narrow road is in a raging storm
Or a valley low but oh….
But when I fix my eyes on all that you are, then every doubt I feel deep in my heart grows strangely dim. All my worries fade and fall to the ground cause when I seek Your face and don’t look around
Any place I’m in grows strangely dim.
I don’t know, I don’t know what tomorrow may hold. But I know, but I know that You’re holding it all so no matter what may come
I’m gonna fix my eyes on all that You are ‘Til every doubt I feel deep in my heart grows strangely dim let all my worries fade and fall to the ground. I’m gonna seek your face and not look around ‘til the place I’m in grows strangely, strangely, strangely dim.
By Francesca Battistelli

I am going to fix my eyes on my Jesus. I wish you guys would fix your eyes on him, let him wrap you in his love. Its going to be hard, but its worth it. It’s difficult to let him lead for we get afraid of the physical, but I want to. He’s helping me to. Thank you Jesus.

Disclaimer: Picture is not mine, it is from http://www.layoutsparks.com/pictures/dim-0.

His Words To My Heart

I can tell you that I am very thankful the lord found me, because it sure was not me who found him, walking that self-involved path that I was. I know that I may not feel like the closest person to him right now, but I think that my life shows that I am only standing up because of him. And no matter how down I am, I never forget that he is the reason I am breathing, and still here. I wish that I can show you guys the very core of my being, how and why I can honestly say that I love Jesus. He first loved me, and being able to give him this wayward heart of mine is such a blessing and a testament of his grace. He makes sense out of the Rambled Process that I consider my life, and life in general, to be.

He Delivers

arms-spread-wide-18320

Reading a devotional the other morning, it started with Psalms 77 verses 14-15, and ended with my heart. My heart, when it is not right with God, I don’t try to hide it. What’s the point? He knows all, and I want his correcting love. This devotional I read was from e-sword and from the Rylism section, the author I think is James C Ryle.

But Psalms 77:14-15 says “You are the God of great wonders! You demonstrate your awesome power among the nations. By your strong arm, you redeemed your people, the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.”

God has done that! He has delivered his people, constantly, out of the troubled times, in both the old testament and new testament days. I think that some times we read the bible and forget that the words recorded there are not stories, but the lives of many. It’s so relevant because it shows us how times change, but the situation stays the same. There are no more words to be added to the bible, as the Lord wills it, but we are still in the New Testament days.  All this we are going through, God knows and he does all things that are good. Therefore, when we feel like breaking and giving up—hold on a bit, and call, cry shout, whisper the powerful name of Jesus, for he knows. He knows. And more awesome, he’s coming. He’s coming and bringing to us deliverance!!

Rylism ended his devotional with “So when the trouble comes, then know that Deliverance is also on the way. Rejoice my brothers and sisters — we serve the God who makes things happen!”

Don’t we Just! As I write this, I am saying Lord I know deliverance is coming, because I am your child and you love me. And he knows that I have been troubled, and he is not sitting still. I know he is not sitting still, for he knows I am in trouble and he is always calling us out of the darkness. I just want to let him know that I know now, and I am ready for these dark days to be behind me.

How He loves Me, I Thank Him.

How do I seek the Lord? How do I seek the lord sincerely, with all my heart, body, mind, and soul? I sometimes feel as if I don’t know the answer to these simple questions. But I do. I seek the lord by calling him. I love my Jesus, who died on the cross for me, and everyone else in this world. I gave my life to him and him alone, though it pales in comparison to how much he does for me. I thank God for his grace and mercy, because it is the very reason that I am still here on this earth breathing, living, and loving.

God’s mercy, and grace is so awesome and it humbles me tremendously. Without it I would still be restless, feeling unloved and still searching. Walking aimlessly, searching for where my life needs to go, how to be the best me that society deems as successful and happy. Yes our society can be pretty accepting of any persona one chooses, or they call it a phase. That’s what I was trying to find, a persona. It was as though I was trying to shop around for something. I thought happiness and success was being free to do whatever I wanted and partying and living a good life.

I can say that, personally, I have never been so happy to be so wrong. Gosh, a happy and successful life is being free, but my definition of free then and now are completely two different things! I wasn’t free at all. I was just trying to do what everyone else was doing. I was trying to take a path that has already been trodden by  millions. I don’t want that. I have always been a person who wanted their own things, and I don’t see why that has to change. Living for Jesus, I am free. I am happy. And what makes me happy is surprisingly helping people. When I get tired, all I do is call on God and he’s there to give a helping hand.

Living for Jesus isn’t for the strong, the arrogant, the righteous, or the perfect. Its for the needy, the brokenhearted, the weary, the hypocrites, and the ones who are so far from perfect its not even funny. The ones who need him. And that’s all me. I am brokenhearted, I am weary, I am a hypocrite, and I am in need of my father in heaven. But mostly because I am so far from perfect and am constantly tempted to sin and give in to every kind of temptations that my flesh desires. I am a sinner and I am weak. But I am secure in the fact that God loves me, because He sent his only son to die for me and wash away my sins. To wash me and make me white as snow. To make me a new creation. There is not much I am sure of in this world. But even on my worst days when I feel about as high as the ground I walk on, I am sure that Jesus–no matter what–Died for all of us, and he did that because he loves us. I cant even wrap my mind around how, or why, but He did and He does. He does because He is LOVE. He wants whats best for us, even when we err so heinously, and we all do.

I just thank God for all He has done and given to me. I thank him for His continuous and unfailing love, for where I am in my life right now–even though sometimes it seems more bleak than anything. I thank Him for His grace and for saving my soul and just wanting me to be a light in this fallen world for others. I thank Him so much. I thank Him for saving me from eternal damnation and giving me everlasting life. Thank you Jesus. Please continue to help me and show me the way home, even though its a narrow part filled with all kinds of trials. I ask that you increase my passion for you daily, and let me continue to be a light for you in this world. I ask that you hold on to me and my family and friends and just keep us in your arms, anchored to you harbor of love. I ask that you keep us from drifting away to aimlessly crash against the tides that is this world. Father, you are the only Holy one and you have done so much for all of us. I thank you so much, father. Thank you. I pray that you continue to bless and hold onto the weary, the needy and the ones who are so far from perfect. In your name I pray, Amen.

The song “How He loves” by David Crowder Band, just puts into word what I have to be thankful for. He Loves Us. All of Us. God doesn’t discriminates. He Loves Us All–How perfect is he? So perfect.  Here are the lyrics which I got from AZLyrics (http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/davidcrowderband/howheloves.html):

 

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us, oh,
Oh, how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us, oh,
Oh, how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves.

And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about the way…

He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves.

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us…
Oh, how He loves us…
Oh, how He loves us.

Pass It On: For You, The Answer To Your Question

I hope this helps to lift you up, so you can see, and know, just how special you are to me, your family, and god who made you for a purpose. I love you, and I want you to know that. I’m not saying it because we’re friends and its what we do, I’m saying it because I love you! I love who you are, I love how god made you and I want you to love you and see what everyone who loves and knows you see’s. Truly loves and knows you. Be enlightened:

Why are you striving these days?

Why are you trying, to earn grace?

Why are you crying?

Let me lift up your face, Just dont turn away

Why are you looking for love?

Why are you still searching as if im not enough?

To where will you go child?

Tell me where will you run, to where will you run?

‘Cause I’ll be by your side, wherever you fall

In the dead of night whenever you call

And please dont fight these hands that are holding you

My hands are holdng you

Look at these hands at my side

They swallowed the grave on that night

When I drank the world’s sin

So I can carry you in, and give you life

I wanna give you life

And I’ll be by your side wherever you fall

In the dead of night whenever you call

And please dont fight these hands that are holding you

My hands are holding you

Here at my side wherever you fall

In the dead of night whenever you call

And please dont fight these hands that are holding you

My hands are holding you

‘Cause I, I love you, I want you to know

Yeah I, I love you, I’ll never let you go

No, no

And I’ll be by your side wherever you fall

In the dead of night whenever you call

And please dont fight these hands that are holding you

My hands are holding you

Here at my side wherever you fall

In the dead of night whenever you call

And please dont fight these hands that are holding you

My hands are holding you

Here at my side

My hands are holding you.

                           Lyrics for  “By Your Side”—By Tenth Avenue North

I love you! Whenever you feel helpless, you’re not. Whenever you feel alone.,you’re not. Whenever you feel unloved, you’re not. I’ll never stop telling you the words, I just want you to one day believe it and tell yourself it. I’m not perfect, I dont think anyone is, and I dont want to sound all know-it-all, as if I too don’t have those days. We all have those day’s…but it all depends on how you look at it and deal with it in the end. Dont let it build up and build up, just let it out, see whats real. Take it a day at a time if you have to. Just don’t ever feel like you can’t deal with it.

This post is dedicated to a friend of mine, and to everyone else out there who needs to hear these words. I NEEDED (still need) to hear these words. And I tell you, it brings tears to my eyes everytime. These words just remind me of the most wonderful and miraculous thing I have in my life (that we all have) and thats God’s love for us. All of us! Let it be a comfort and a reminder to you as it is to me.

He’s by your side 😉