That Special Something

It has been a while since I’ve written on here. Not for lack of wanting to, but because I never made the time. Writing is something that I’ve always wanted to do, and when I started my blog I wrote about things that I liked and knew others would be interested in. Then I wasn’t interested in putting out the same unfulfilling post. I erased all of that and chose to write about something lasting and important. Something so positively necessary for my life and yours, something that gives you true joy and strength to wake up in the morning. Something precious and passionate. Something filling. Something loving and so overwhelmingly good that you cant contain it and you don’t feel the need to hide it. Something that’s so inexplicably priceless, yet cost the most. Something I forever want to share with everyone I encounter: JESUS.

He’s that special someone, that special something. Trust me, he’s had arms around me the longest.

I Want to Overcome

So…

I have been trying to get words out for months now, but have been self conscious wondering if it is really what God has moved me to say. How will it affect others who happen across my blog. If I have learned anything, its that words said or written carelessly, even with the best of intention, can harm.

I started this blog, knowing that I want to write about what is the most important to me, and to others who don’t even realize: Jesus. But more than anything, I wanted to write about how I struggle, and how many times I feel like I am no where close to Him when He is in fact right within me.

Being a fairly new Christian, even one who grew up seeing her family turn to and call on God countless times, in both the good and the bad times, and knowing that that was where I wanted to end up, I still struggle with everything. I struggle to the point where I feel like He has no business to like me, while my spirit inside is desperately trying to unclench my tightly closed teeth to yell out for Him. Wondering if this is my last time.

Wanting to just run and be held by Him, asking, begging, crying for forgiveness. Forgiveness for being on the fence, being totally apathetic towards my walk.

I know Jesus is right with me, seeing everything, understanding the raging battle going on inside more clearly than I ever can. But the human part of me, is basically feeling too crippled to move, wondering why is it He’s so good to me, and when will He find out I am the biggest fraud there is, and release my hand.

It gets so bad that I second guess myself sometimes, wondering what is my true intentions for saying I believe? Fire insurance? I know its not that, because I can’s pretend with God. He knows me better than I know myself. I know the reason I am living is because of Him, and the reason I can be remotely nice is because of Him. Yet still I struggle.

I hope to share my struggles on here, for it says that by the blood of the lamb and the words of our testimony, we shall overcome. And I want to overcome. I have hope. And most of all I want you who have chanced upon my little blog to know that the struggle is real, and I want you to overcome. Confess to Jesus over and over, and you will be closer to overcoming. I believe this and I will be doing this also.

Disclaimer: The picture isn’t mine, I saw it on google image. the Url is: http://www.worshiphousemedia.com/worship-tracks/32174/Overcome

Compassionate and Gracious, Our God

Compassionate and Gracious, Our God.

This hit me. Pass it on.

Rationalization

Have you ever tried to rationalize sin?

What am I saying, that is one thing that I know we all do. We all try to rationalize it, and make things acceptable in our own way—cutting off our conscience and what we know is right in order to protect ourselves from what ever mental breakdown that will happen.

It 5:45 am, and I’ve just came to the realization of how hell feels. When people think of hell they are thinking fiery pit, big red scary guy with horns walking around with what looks like a triton in hand, laughing joyously as his minions whip us poor left behind-ers over and over again.

Well heck, no wonder why people think all this is fairy tale.

No, guys, we are wrong again. That’s us making up whatever that visual is to probably reconcile ourselves to a faith that was never intended for us, most likely to prepare ourselves for the inevitable pain.

That sounds bad right? But it’s so true…As humans, we do stuff like that. If you’re thinking “nope, not me”, well then you are an exception I guess.

But that’s not hell. Hell is being separated from God.

I’m sure we have felt separated from God before, Christian or not, and I can tell you that it is not a fun feeling. But if you feel so bad now, when we are still under the new testament where God is giving us grace every second that passes, imagine a soul in eternal agony?

Not flesh, mind you, but you’re soul. A soul that cannot die. The very being of you separated from the creator, and feeling this separation magnified to the nth power. No relief, no hope, no help. Only pain…

That’s hell.